My Life is a Joke

Let me tell you a tale...sadly, a tale that has been told before.

Once upon a time, there was a mother of 3 boys. She had been sick all day, hadn't eaten since the night before. She had a lot on her plate, always does. After a crazy busy day, she had 3 things left to do. Pick up a prescription at Target, get gas in the van, and take her son "B" to T-Ball practice.

So she rushed rushed rushed out the door, like she always does. Made pretty good time too! Was happy to see she was leaving Target a little after 5:00 with prescription in hand, and had just enough time to stop by Costco for gas, which was literally ONE MILE away. For once, she was going to make it to T-Ball in plenty of time. Even more miraculous, all 3 boys were behaving.

Then...something happened. Something that had happened to this mother before. Something she swore would never happen again. Something that made her feel TOTALLY and COMPLETELY stupid. She ran...out...of...gas. Ran out of gas, WITHIN SIGHT of Costco. Literally, a 3 minute walk away from Costco.

Poor harried mother steered her sad minivan over and drifted to the side of the road. She turned off the engine and thought, "My life is a joke." But then she realized, she had no time to ponder her predicament. Action is what was needed! She had 3 boys in a vehicle on the side of a busy road! She said, "Boys! Get out. We're walking to Costco!" She put her hazards on, got out, and resisted the urge to flip off stupid careless drivers whizzing past her and her 3 children outside of her obviously disabled minivan. After all, who could be bothered to at least pull over and see if she needed help? She grabbed her stroller and took off towards the Costco, kids in tow.

About halfway there, what should happen, but a policeman pulled over.

Policeman: Ma'am, is that your minivan back there?

Mom: Yes, it is.

Policeman: Well, you can't leave it there.

Mom: (resisting urge to be a smart mouth) Yes I know, it ran out of gas. I pulled it over as far as I could and put the hazards on. I'm heading to Costco to see what I can do.

Policeman: Well, you need to push the van off the road.

Mom: I can't, it's heavy and it's just me and my 3 boys. (gestures, as if this weren't obvious?) Nobody was pulling over to help and I figured I needed to do something, so I'm walking to Costco.

Policeman: Do you have a Costco card?

Mom: Yes.

Policeman: Well, we need to go back to the van and I'll help you push it off.

Mom: Okay. (gritting teeth...thinking about T-Ball practice that starts in 20 minutes. Wonders WHY she is still worrying about T-Ball practice when she's in this predicament?)

After returning to the van, the nice policeman realizes there IS nowhere to push the van further off the road, something that our little mother already knew but nicely bit her tongue to avoid pointing out. The policeman then pulled his cruiser behind the minivan with his overheads on, and informed this poor mother that he had radioed the fire department. Mother is wishing the ground would swallow her whole at this point. Police? Fire Department? Could this GET any more ridiculous?! Mother wonders, when will she learn to just fill up her gas tank and avoid this situation?

Our mom then spends 45 minutes entertaining her boys by playing "hide the toy plastic lizard in the desert landscaping and find it". The fire truck arrives! Her boys are bursting with little boy excitement. It's not a big engine (thank goodness), but a small "connector" truck. The nice fire fighters put a gallon in the tank, hand out stickers and water bottles to the boys, and send poor mother on her way. Mother makes beeline for Costco and fills up gas tank. (There's no line! It's a miracle!)

Mother drives to T-Ball practice. "B" makes it for the last 10 minutes. Mother comes home, serves boys Chef Boyardee and toast for dinner.

The End.