Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Am Mother

I've been thinking a lot lately. I know I know...it's kind of scary.

A few months ago, I got in contact with an old college roommate I had lost touch with. She is now married and has 2 little boys, very close in age. We exchanged a couple Facebook messages and found each other's blogs. I told her that even though her kids were close in age, she is going to love it. Some time went by, and then she messaged back:

"so, i read your blog and you said they fight all the time. which is it? cuz it doesn't sound like you love it. "

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this message. Does my blog make it sound like I don't love it? Does it sound like my kids drive me insane? Does it sound like I'm not enjoying my time with my children? I really hope not.

I'll admit it, my boys DO drive me crazy. Yes, most days my house is a mess that I'm constantly trying to clean up. Yes, they fight with each other every day. Yes, it's hard. I had 3 boys in a little over 4 years!! But would I have done it any differently if I were to go back? Would I have spaced my kids out more? Should I have waited till I was older? Started when I was younger?

No, I wouldn't have done it any differently. My boys LOVE each other. They will literally give each other bloody noses, then when I come in to break it up and they each get in trouble, they are defending each other and getting mad at ME! They whisper jokes and secrets to each other, and sneak into each other's rooms to play at 5:00 A.M. They miss each other when they're at their different schools. They cry when the other is sad. "T" waits outside for "B's" bus to bring him home every afternoon. "B" cheers "T" on and shouts encouragement during his soccer games on Saturdays.

Am I tired? Yes, you have no idea! Some days I wake up and wonder how I can find the energy to do what I have to do that day. I think of all the laundry, the cleaning that is NEVER caught up, the pee all over the toilet, the diaper changes, the snot wiped all over my couches, the 5 billion toys underfoot, the grocery shopping, the cooking, (I could go on but I won't, you get the idea). Not to mention the fact that I work (I mean actual paying work...) every afternoon while my kids take a nap. There is literally NO down time! But if anyone asks me how I feel about being a mother, I will say without hesitation, I love it. I would not, could not trade it for anything.

My biggest fear is that I'm missing it all. People always tell me, "It goes by so fast...enjoy it while you can." And that's exactly what I'm afraid of! Time is flying. Am I going to remember all the funny things they say? The intensity on T's face while he's telling me a crazy dream he had, the twinkle of B's blue eyes while he tells me a joke he heard at school, S's mischievous expression while he steals one of his older brother's toys and then runs away as fast as he can?

Who cares if the house is clean!! Who cares if we eat hot dogs AGAIN for dinner tonight! Who cares if I make it to the store for that amazing sale! I need to make sure I enjoy this craziness. And I promise you, I do enjoy it. Every day I pray that I can be the mother they deserve to have, and that I will be grateful that I have the opportunity to be a mother.

(I hate this picture of me, but my boys are adorable.)

“The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
-Anna Quindlen

Monday, February 22, 2010

Old

A conversation I just had with T after finishing my "paying" work-at-home job.

Me: I'm done with my work!
T: You're done forever? You never have to work again?!
Me: No...I mean I'm done for today. I'll have more to do tomorrow.
T: Oh...but when will you be done working forever?
Me: Oh, probably not until I'm old.
T: But Mommy, you already ARE old!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Type A Personality, The Second Generation

Quick little story for you:

Yesterday my Kindergartner came home from school, and cried for about 20 minutes because he thought he had missed a word on his spelling test earlier that morning. Instead of spelling "your" Y-O-U-R, he had spelled it Y-U-O-R. He tried to fix it as the teacher called for them to pass their papers up, but didn't have time and his teacher told him to stop and pass his paper up. He was seriously freaking out, because he has gotten 100% on every spelling test this year, and this time he was NOT going to get 100%.

Oh boy...I think I passed my Type A Personality on to my son. Poor thing!

UPDATE: He brought his corrected test paper back today and he DID get 100%! The "your" word was extra credit. Silly kid!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Snow Day!

A couple weeks ago Arizona got the biggest rain storm I've ever seen in my 25 years of living here. I guess they had a big storm in the 80's too, but I don't remember that. Anyway my point is, when it pours rain like that down in the valley, that means snow in the mountains! And yes, Arizona does actually have mountains where it snows. We can go from this:To this:
Within 20 minutes!
We drove up to Payson, AZ which is about an hour and a half away, it's desert all the way like the top picture, then suddenly within 20 minutes you're in pine trees and snow. I wish we could move up there...

We found a good spot to stop and play, and I managed to get our van stuck in the snow/ice/mud immediately upon pulling off the road. How embarrassing, I mean it's not like I've never driven in snow before, I lived in Utah for four years during college! I was freaking out about it, but J finally just told me to forget about it for now, get out and enjoy the snow with the boys and we would worry about it later. He was right, what else could we do with 3 crazy boys practically bursting with excitement to get out in the fluffy white stuff? So we got out, and within about 5 minutes I also managed to step in icy slush water past my ankle. If I had appropriate snow boots that would be no problem. But we desert dwellers don't own things like that, which meant I was wearing skate shoes. Which meant my foot was basically an ice cube for the next hour. But we still had fun!

B pretty much went crazy in the snow. He was rolling around in it, diving in it, throwing it up in the air, could NOT get enough of it. After about 45 minutes he stopped, looked at me with a look of total shock and suddenly screamed, "I'M COLD!!!" I couldn't help but laugh!
T was a sledding maniac. At one point I couldn't find where he was, turned around just in time to see him flying down the hill on the sled. He had drug it up by himself, positioned it, got in, and away he went! My little adrenaline junkie.
S wasn't sure what to think. At first he had fun running around crunching on the snow. We didn't have gloves that fit him so I just sort of put some over his hands anyway. Eventually he did touch the snow, and his hands got cold. Then he was just screaming looking at me like, "Mommy!! What is happening!? Fix it!" But before that he was very cute in the snow:
All in all, it was a pretty fun trip. It all ended happily when we got back to the van, and this VERY NICE man drove by in his huge 4X4 truck, rolled down his window, and asked me something in Spanish. I have no idea what he said but I frantically said, "Yes! Yes! We need help! We're stuck!" This awesome guy who didn't speak a word of English, spent 15 minutes getting down in the mud and ice, hooked our van up to his truck, and towed us out! We tried to give him money and he wouldn't accept it. I'm going to remember that for a long time. Hopefully I'll get the chance to pay it forward.
After all that, I can now check this off my list of life experiences my boys must have. They have seen snow!