Sometimes, I just don't know what to do. Is it okay to admit you just don't know how to be a good parent? I read countless books on different parenting methods. I STILL don't know what to do. Some of the situations they describe in these books are just so unrealistic. All the little anecdotes end with the parent coming up with the perfect thing to say, the perfect consequence that will teach their child to learn how to reason with themselves, and needless to say, it all ends perfectly.
Umm....
How about they write a book that is actually useful? Using REAL LIFE situations? Like for example, this morning my 6 year old comes up to me in the kitchen, and throws his school shoes down on the floor, which are soaking wet.
"Trey threw my shoes in the potty!"
"Was the potty flushed?"
"No!"
Sure enough, I go in there, and it wasn't flushed. And it wasn't just number one, if you know what I mean. And now school starts in an hour, and I have my son's shoes on my kitchen floor, covered in...you know what.
Now what am I supposed to do? I can't throw HIS shoes in the potty, because I paid good money for those shoes! He doesn't care about time-outs, taking toys or privileges away, or any other punishment you can possibly think of, including spanking. (did I just admit that on my blog?) We've tried all the rewards systems you can think of, praise for good behavior, earning treats, blah blah blah.
So if anyone out there would like to write a REAL LIFE parenting book that will teach me how to deal with situations like the one described above, or what to say when your child tells you he hates you, when your children fight with each other 24/7, please be my guest. I could REALLY use the help here.
Thank you.
Signed,
Mother of 3 Boys
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9 comments:
I got nothing except that they don't grow out of it they just come up with more grown up ways to irritate each other. We are all in this together.. .right?!
i am sorry. Ug. My Chloe is like that nothing fazes her and she is so defiant. Check this out I've heard it's helpful. http://ephraimschild.com/`
Well said!
Aww....I am sure that all parents feel this way. I am not a mom but I remember being a god-aweful child. Nothing fazed me and I really think that kids just go through it.
All you can do its give them the tools. I remember my parents trying to instill stuff and I would laugh. But in the end, as I went off to college, guess what? I remembered everything and I think I am a pretty stand up adult.
Books are overrated!
I like Jenas comment, funny! Christy, hopefully you know you're doing an AWESOME job. My mom had 7 kids and always tells us she didn't know what she was doing half the time, not having any guidance, and hey, we all turned out okay! :) But really, in the end you love your kids, you discipline them with love and righteous anger :) and they'll turn out just fine. We've just gotta grin and bare the crappy things ( like that pun :) they do inbetween!!!!
Christy, I totally know what how you feel...I often feel so inept...yes, I think that is the correct adjective to describe how I feel sometimes, like a complete INEPT when it comes to parenting!
It's so hard to come up with consequences for the different ages, times outs work sometimes, but not always...it's so hard being consistent...I tend to threaten too much and not follow through with my threats...it's hard to entertain your kids ALL the time so that they don't get into trouble...anyway, I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I KNOW what you're going through my friend!
Now, do I have any advice? Not that much, I guess for me personally, my biggest flaw as a parent is consistency....I know that is something I need to work on...and coming up with consequences that make sense to a 2 and 3 year old...but everything aside, I know how you feel and like my good friend Timber always tells me: even when you feel like a failure as a parent your are THERE! You are with them, loving them, nurturing them, making them feel secure, teaching them so many things even when it's so difficult to do, you are THERE! They have a good mom who is trying her best!
If I find more helpful tips I will for sure let you know!!!:)
Sorry, no help here, but boy can I relate! Dylan tries my patience every single day, nearly all day! We tried everything for Dylan. Yes spanking, and it didn't fase him either. You name it, we tried it. After a very horrible kindergarten year, being suspended numerous times and nearly being expelled we put him on meds along w/counceling and he is much better, but it's still a struggle! Sometimes makes me wonder why I decided to become a mom in the first place.!
Wow, some of these comments are really sad. I have 3 boys too and you know my Daniel is just like your Trey. I don't know what to do either, but something must be working one way or another because in church the other day out of no where Daniel told me he loves Jesus and he was going to be good to make Jesus happy. When we lived by you I would watch you to see how it should be done. You are an example to me. Don't be too hard on yourself.
suck it up until they're 6 then the BELT. that is the answer. that's how we were kept under control. you can start slapping them at 15. yes in the face. i got a few of those. last one at 17. in between you can chase them with wooden spoons or shoes or the broom. yes, chase them hard. our mom also iced our belt marks and talked to us. A LOT. our salvation was to make her laugh while she was chasing us, then we all start cracking up and say sorry for hitting each other. she hated when we were DISRESPECTFUL. she never let us go to parties or sleepovers. never. only camping and dances. she took us to the beach often. a lot. maybe you can take them to the desert. maybe. she taught us to share, to not fight, to work, and that school was important. also to be clean and to eat fruits and vegetables. i also don't know how she did all that. and work to fed us and clothe us all alone. moms are heroes! you're a hero Christy! we love you!
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