Here is a subject that is very near, if not dear, to my heart. MIGRAINES. I get them. A lot. Maybe you don't understand, I get them A LOT. I'm sure if I kept better track, I could say with confidence that I have a migraine at least 1/3 of the year. And that's underestimating.
Let me try to explain the pain of a migraine. Imagine feeling like your head is actually going to explode. Of spending hours literally laying on your bathroom floor in the dark, alternating between puking and passing out. It hurts to lay down, it hurts to sit, the light feels like it's stabbing your brain, any noise vibrates painfully in your head. You literally feel like you want to die. It's not that you're suicidal, you just want the pain to STOP and you don't care how. You wonder how many more hours you can take of it, you keep taking medicine hoping it will work but it doesn't.
Beyond the physical pain though, is the guilt. "Oh great...Mom has another migraine." This is what I imagine my kids are thinking. They're too young to verbalize it right now but I'm sure they've started thinking it.
"We were supposed to go to the library today...but Mom has a migraine. Again."
"Yay, today we get to go swimming! Oh no...Mom has another migraine."
"Mommy, come read a book to me! Nevermind..."
The guilt and frustration I feel are indescribable. I hate living like this. Every day I live in fear that I will either wake up with a migraine, or I will develop one at some point in the day. Most of the time I don't even tell my husband when I get one anymore. He never says anything mean about it but still, if the roles were reversed, I'd be annoyed. It's hard to understand how it feels if you've never had one yourself. Most of the time he guesses though, I have what he calls, my "migraine smile". Which is basically a fake smile that I plaster on to pretend everything is okay.
I'm sure many people may be wondering how I manage to live my life? Raise 3 children with the doctor/dentist appointments, soccer games, school carpools, etc.? Work a part-time paying job? Teach piano lessons? Volunteer in my church? Not to mention the daily cooking and cleaning involved in running a household?
I will tell you. It's called, RELPAX. My own personal miracle drug. For the record, I hate relying on any medication. But migraines are a whole different story. I have a life to live and children I don't want to disappoint. So I fight with my insurance company for the maximum allowable number of pills, I mark it on my calendar the soonest I'm able to refill it, I pay my co-pay, and I try not to think about how every pill is costing me about $2.50 (and the insurance company a lot more). Instead I try to focus on the fact that by popping Replax and/or Excedrin Migraine almost daily, I can do what I need to do. And on those days that neither medication works? Well, you can find me on the bathroom floor...
(**I know people will suggest other treatments, which I am always open to of course. But just so it's out there, I've tried going to neurologists, chiropractors, an acupuncturist, not to mention a long list of medications to prevent and treat.)
